shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
