I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
