Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
