I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I party with great urgency now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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