then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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