I CAN MOONWALK!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
