guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
thus making me awesome and them whores
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I need a burrito and a hug.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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