Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
