I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
