i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
