the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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