I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
