I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
