Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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