youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
