lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
