Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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