You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
