apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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