Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
