he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My ATM looks so different sober.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
