70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
