she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
