Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
