My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
