Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
