U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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