unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Randomize
