it hurts more in the daytime
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
