I cannot find my penis.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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