just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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