Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
