hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
