cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
