Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
