You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and you said cock pushups were impossible
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
