I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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