Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
