I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
