he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
