every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
