I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
