Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
