so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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