Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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