There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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