What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She bit a glass in half.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
