My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
