In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
