u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
