We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sober January is a disaster.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
